Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
