he was CRYING into my vagina
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
