He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
