I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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