1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
