i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
