I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize