i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
