i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
