I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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