high people should be assigned attendants
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
