I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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