the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
