My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
