Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
