just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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