dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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