she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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