Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
