Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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