dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
