i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
