I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
