I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
