Your face is a jimmy john
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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