the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
