Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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