that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Im part way to drunk.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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