White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I don't think brook has ever known best
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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