if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
