So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
