True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
