i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
