You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I love you.
Bad choice
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
