dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Your cock deserves a montage
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
