HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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