He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize