We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
