Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
