Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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