just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
