I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
