You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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