Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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