you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
