do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
