Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
