Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
