how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
