no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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