I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
