I don't remember. Are we still dating?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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