it hurts more in the daytime
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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