FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You have to summon your inner elephant
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
