All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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