Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Someone came in the potted fern
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
