I think my fart just growled at me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
