The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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