apparently the secret to your success is patron
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
