But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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