my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
