if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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