can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
