What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
