Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
