false alarm. still invincible.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
