I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
