I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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