I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
