walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
