people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize