ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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