Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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