he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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