He had one of those small greek statue penises
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
