Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
