And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
