we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
