Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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