tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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