If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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