Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
