You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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