i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
