The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
