Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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