just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
