Your tits are I can't wait for
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Randomize
