peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
