My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
