i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
