in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
