i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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