I am in a vortex of obligation.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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