Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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