she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
