if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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