it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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