I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
