The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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