No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
