Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
