i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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